I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
