PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
