Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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