Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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