are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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