Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
