ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
