'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
