In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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