if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize