I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize