I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
