Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
