Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
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