mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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