Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
