just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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