So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
