Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
