cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
wow bdsm is so cute
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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