69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
