Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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