when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Bring me that man meat
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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