The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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