My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
