i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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