I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
