I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
