Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
