I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
my poor anus
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
