this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
