i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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