I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
