This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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