how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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