WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Can you bring me the toilet please
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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