"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
