Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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