What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
