VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
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