Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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