The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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