chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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