I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
