you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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