i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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