Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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