btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
