also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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