he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
