can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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