I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
