No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
