Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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