I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
