Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
