I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
NoShamevember. You game?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
