I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
