I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
