I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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