No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
