I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
