he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
