Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My hand turned me down
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
