your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize