Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
