he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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