I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
