She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
