No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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