i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
