who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize