the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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