if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
